Time to fly

I'm not sure if anyone reads these infrequent posts, but if anyone is reading, heads up! I am about to head to Tanzania on elective for 2 months so posting will be even less reliable than it already is. However, if I do get internet access I shall keep you posted on the state of medicine in Dar Es Salaam and the sunshine in Zanzibar.

Foundation forms

I am prevaricating on an award-winning basis today, the culmination of a week spent successfully avoiding facing the dreaded form.  But it has to be done.  My goodness I wish it didn't.

To go or not to go

To answer Little Medic, who knows where I shall go! The other major issue with the evil application forms is where to apply. All deaneries with have their equivalent of Chase Farm, or Maidstone, the only difference being you don't know in advance which one it is outside your medical school. So, to stay in London or not, question one. I think I lack the balls to go, as it were. My friends and family are here, and when you get down to it, that's what makes me happy. Then, to stay in the deanery related to my medical school or go elsewhere. Pro of staying: I know most of the ophthalmologists and they know me and that's what I one day want to do. Con: I will feel as though I never left medical school. Pro of going: if I want to experience a new hospital/area, I will be in the same boat as a whole bunch of other new FY1s and it will be easy to make friends and settle in this time around maybe more than later. Con: I am a scaredy cat.

Foundation Training Application forms

I think this is the hardest bunch of pointless questions I have had to answer! There is something about the format that makes me anxious just looking at it.  The worst question for me is thinking of an example of prioritising information.  

"Describe one example from your undergraduate medical training of your ability to prioritse tasks and information from any clincial or educational area.  What was the outcome, what have you learned and how will you apply this to foundation training?"  

I know I prioritise things non-stop all day, like whether to go to clinic or the computer room, whether to clerk a patient or drink coffee and read the paper...  But I cannot think of a decent, clinical example.  I am starting to get quite stressed about the whole thing. 

Having a cold

I make a terrible patient. I am in fact an impatient. I have a cold, sufficient to cause cold sweats on walking to college and a nasty cough which hurts my chest. This is all pretty minor in the scheme of things, but I am going mad with boredom already. The problem seems to be that I feel pretty much ok when I am sat down. However, any activity that exceeds, say, turning the page of my book, makes me feel faint and sick. I am not impressed. I went to radiology teaching this morning at the hospital and coughed my way through it. I think I learned something, but I decided not to go up to a ward full of chemo patients and expose them to my virus. By the time I got to the bus stop I felt quite unwell again, which only confirmed my confidence in my choice.

Now I'm at home, making a desultory effort to read a cancer biology textbook and I am bored brainless and feeling much better. I am now very impressed by the stoicism and fortitude embodied by the patients on the ward, who seem to take infinitely more serious and distressing illnesses with infinitely more patience!

Kids and cancer

I know in the last post I said I wasn't scared of cancer patients. I'm still not. But today was sad indeed. I went to a radiotherapy clinic and saw 5 children with cancer one after the other. I normally talk in clinic, to patients and doctor alike, asking questions, getting involved and so forth. Today, however, I sat in the corner very quiet, feeling a whole range of emotions for the children, their parents and about the random events that change people's lives so much.

I thought too about my cousin, who committed suicide 2 weeks ago. He was a lovely lovely man who felt he had nothing to live for. It's hard not to contrast that knowledge with those children fighting so hard to live.

It was a strange morning indeed.

Don't be scared of cancer patients...

In a lecture at the start of our oncology block on Monday, we were told that it will take time to learn to talk to cancer patients. Cancer patients will be scary to us young uninitiated things, we will be awkward and find it hard.

Ok, I thought, fair enough. I can imagine some people will find it hard to know where to start. But I was a little puzzled at this idea that cancer patients were somehow beyond the pale for us. We have all talked to patients who are terminally ill by now, after 2 years of clinical medicine. I spent 2 hours talking to a patient yesterday, ah, the time luxury we have as students! I thought it was sad that a young (52yo) woman had metastatic breast cancer, in her bones, her liver, lungs, uterus and now her brain too. I was amazed at her fortitude and determination to be as well as she could be. I was impressed by anyone talking even more and even faster than me. But I wasn't scared of approaching her and asking if she would talk to me. I wasn't scared to hear her say the word 'cancer'. I wasn't scared at all. In fact, I was glad I could talk to her and I wish we were encouraged to spend time with people in this situation, stuck in hospital for 5 days of radiotherapy. We're about the only people in the hospital all day with big chunks of spare time. I think I will mention it to the lecturer, as the only thing I found scary was the attempt to scare us in the introductory talk...